Missing Over 100 Days Of School

 I missed over 100 days of my junior year of high school. For years before that, I would be out for two weeks at a time at different times throughout the school year, but my junior year was when my body really shut down on me. 

So, with missing so much school, I had to catch up a lot. At a certain point, they just said to at least be in the building. I didn't have to go to my classes; I could just sit in a conference room and do make-up work all day. I was such an anxious mess and so foggy in the head, but that's a story for another time. The point of this blog is to talk about what worked for me when it came to school. 

The whole year was absolute hell, and I didn't do anything. I tried. I really really really really really (100 more…) tried. Of course, no one believed that. But I did. This is just another moment where I look back and can see how screwed up my head was. I was in another world- and not a good one. I couldn't see straight, think straight, hear straight, nothing. Never mind doing piles of schoolwork that I had missed all the lessons on. It just wasn't working. So I gave up. I basically spent that entire year going to school at 10 something and just sitting in a very small room with my best friend (who was also going through a lot medically), playing games and doing everything but what we were supposed to do. 

Anyway, I had to do summer school- so much fun. I actually mean that. I'm not being sarcastic at all. I honestly looked forward to it and truly enjoyed it. 

Now, this wasn't normal summer school. I don't even know how that works. This was me going in and meeting with teachers to learn whatever. Then, the school shut down for some reason, so my teachers had to start coming to my house. It was a very strange experience that took some adjusting, but after a little while, it was great. I learned so much in such a short period of time. I basically did my entire junior year in 1.5 months. Only 2 days a week for just a couple of hours. I did so well and understood what I was doing, too. 

I think this was mostly because the anxiety was taken out of the equation. I was such an anxious kid. I'm sure that's obvious by now, but I was a complete mess, and it kept me from doing so many things, one of which was learning and doing well in school. I remember being in class silently freaking out while watching everyone else just laughing with their friends and being so carefree. I just never understood how. And so once it was just me by myself learning, it all came so easily, and I could get through it. I'm actually pretty smart despite my horrible grades, and I think this helped prove that to myself, at the very least. 

My advice to anyone struggling with school or parents of kids who are struggling is to see if this is an option. I went to a normal public school, and it didn't cost anything at all. It's not like I got a private tutor or anything, so it wasn't anything fancy. I feel extremely lucky that this was an option because it really helped a lot. I was also over the whole social side of things at this point. That wasn't important to me. Outside of that, I played sports and had a couple of friends, so I had all the socialization I needed, but I completely understand that that is also important. I just didn't care about that at all.